Where were you on April 1st 1997? I was rushing to try to catch a plane out of Tegucigalpa Honduras. I was completing two years of Peace Corps service and my deep down feelings were saying that I couldn’t get out of the country fast enough. That day a US military plane crashed at the airport. The first word was “all flights cancelled.” I remember being frustrated, but my frustration came from the fact that I had cashed in a majority of my Honduran currency..and if I was going to have to wait a day I’d have to stumble around to get some more Honduran money. Then at the last minute I heard “yep…Continental flights are departing”. So my next struggle was convincing a Honduran taxi driver that “yes..flights are going out”.
I did get to the airport..and a kid insisted on helping me..and when I tipped him, he glared at me and said I didn’t tip him enough. I remember saying something to the effect of “too bad, this is all I got.” I got checked in..and then went up and waited for my flight. I remember arriving in San Diego tired and so so glad I was HOME.
Adjusting to jobs, the United States, Americans, the internet blossomed while gone. One thing that really bothered me when I got home was when I made a phone call I had to go through all these phone menus to get what I wanted. I remember getting really irritated at one point and saying “I JUST WANT TO TALK TO A PERSON!!!!” I was adjusting back to a congregation that was grieving the sudden loss of one of our members due to injuries from a small plane accident.
As time went by…jobs came and went..I wasn’t always “at my best”. I wasn’t always “at my worse” either. I look back and think “gosh I wish I could have done all this differently..I wasted so much time chasing that opportunity” or “i handled that stupidly” or “i should have just said forget it and went back home”.
Eleven years have come and gone…do I really want a “do over”? Am I sure that if I did have a chance at a “do over” I wouldn’t make similar mistakes? Am I able to laugh now and look back with solemn respect for the Lord that made me without having made those mistakes? I don’t know. Sometimes I think “wasted opportunity” but I think “well, look at where you are at now…maybe not in the best of positions in life..but definitely not the worse!”
As an example, several years ago a coworker had to go to court over her bills. She didn’t elaborate and I didn’t ask. I know how difficult it is having a financial situation you feel embarrassed about..and I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed. We all make stupid money decisions thinking at the time we are doing the right thing. She said something to me that kind of made me laugh..she said “Patti you are real good with money.” I did laugh a bit but then thought of the mistakes I had made along the way to be where I’m at now..and where I was at then.
So, no…I don’t want a do over. I want all the “ugghs” of life and to be able to stare them in the face..and to also somehow look back at myself with full honesty and confront myself and my mistakes and to take note of those lessons learned.
